So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
