I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Randomize
