Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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