You smell like a Billy Joel song
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
