Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
