weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
