He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
