One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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