your thong is hanging out like whoa
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
either way he was missing a nipple.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
