Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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