people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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