you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
