Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
