I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
