i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
