Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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