i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
