Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
