I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
