is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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