i don't like sucking hair
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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