Welp...herpes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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