i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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