I don't usually arrange sex via text message
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize