i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
