my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
