what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We are all done wearing pants today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
