Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
