she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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