C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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