Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Someone shattered a urinal.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
