I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
