Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
