If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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