I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
