Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
is it fun? or sober?
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