I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
this is an emotional support booty call
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
