Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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