who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
