i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
