I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
