your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
