I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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