Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
