I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't notice because vodka
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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