that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
