No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
