I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
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I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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