; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
