I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
