New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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