i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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