if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
