Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
