Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
