She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
