I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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