they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
