Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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