I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
