Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come on in and take your pants off
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