i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
