LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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