I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My pussy is not your playground.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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