turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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