How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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