I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
