also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize