Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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