its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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