they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
